I Don’t Like You: Part 5 (Darkest Before the Dawn: Finale)

One of the most enormous things I have found to overcoming idols and living victoriously is learning to be content in the present. An incredible book I read about this is Linda Dillow’s Calm My Anxious Heart. It’s spectacular. This is the final installment with some tips for finding contentment and some altering revelations the Lord has asked me.

Finding Contentment in the Now

I had a revelation one time about dying right now and standing before the judgment seat. I realized that will be judged for what I actually did, not what I was planning to do. But how much time do I spend thinking about what I’m planning to do instead of taking a hold of the present right now?

So here are some thoughts:

  • How are you living in the present and thanking God for the season you are in right now?
  • Don’t wait for life to start or it never will. Life doesn’t start when you get (fill in the blank with what you think will make you happy or complete), you have Jesus; this is your life.
  • How are you being faithful with what you’ve been given right now? Without being faithful with the little, the Lord cannot trust you with more (Luke 16:10).
  • Are you becoming a whole person?
    • Rooting junk and strongholds out of your life.
    • Developing character.
    • Having a deep personal relationship with Jesus.
  • Some people say that God won’t give you a man until you get to the point that you don’t want one. I wouldn’t say that is completely true because the desire for a husband comes from God. But you must be in a place where you can trust God to say, “If he comes tomorrow, you are faithful. If he comes next week, you are faithful. If he comes in six months, you are faithful. If he comes next year, you are faithful. If he comes in four years, you are faithful. If he never comes, you are still faithful.”
  • When God calls you to humble yourself during this time DO IT! Obedience is key.

Phases of Freedom

There was a time in October when I believed that the Lord set me free and it felt so amazing! I was so joyful. Then, in January, the Lord took me to an even new level of freedom. I remember walking into the Auditorium and I suddenly realized that I didn’t like anyone… and I didn’t know what to do with myself! I realized that when I walked into a room, I had an agenda: find a guy. And even if I wasn’t flirting with him, I was looking at him and thinking about him and finding a way to get him to look at me and think about me as well. I didn’t like anyone and so didn’t know what to do with myself when I walked in. I had no idea how much it consumed me and effected the way that I lived my life. At that moment, I thought, “Well I guess I’ll just go sit down and pay attention to class.” I had no idea I lived in such bondage until I tasted freedom.

Revelation of the Floating Particle

I had a revelation from the Lord and I saw myself as a floating particle. In my revelation, I had this addiction to finding affirmation of men stuck to me like a massive barnacle. The Lord had finally broke it off and I felt like the question was being asked, “Alright, I set you free, so what do you want to be obsessed with?” I had the choice. I could always go back, but I knew what I wanted: GOD I WANT YOU! And so I started throwing myself and my time into His Word and seeking His face. What you give your time and thoughts to is what you will be addicted to and obsessed with. Do not fool yourself into thinking that you aren’t obsessed with something. We are creatures of worship and we WILL worship, the question is what will we worship? The answer: its what we give our time to.

Revelation of Seeing the Creator

Why do we have these desires and yet we cannot fulfill them? C.S. Lewis said, “If I find in myself a desire which no experience in the world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.” A way to combat having idols in your life is to realize that all of creation is meant to point back to its Creator and glorify God. Seeing the beauty of the created is meant to point us towards God, not towards the creation.

When we see that beauty and we only see the object, we will begin to worship it and move closer to it, instead of moving closer to God. For example: if you see a beautiful tree and you think, “Wow, that’s beautiful” and you continue to gaze at the tree and its exquisite leaves and flowers, you eventually spend so much time looking at that you move closer and closer to until you have your face in the branches and can’t even see anything else. You miss the forest because you can’t see past the tree (to quote an old saying). That tree is beautiful, but only because its Creator is beautiful and when we get so consumed in the item that we cannot see God anymore, than is when He says, “That’s enough” and will take an axe to the root of that tree and remove it from our lives. Why? Because He loves us too much to see us worshipping the wrong thing, the thing that cannot actually fulfill us.

Do not be surprised if God takes an axe to the idols in your life and cuts them out. Its is truly by His grace and although it seems overwhelmingly painful at the time, God will soothe and heal that, but run to Him and do not try to fill your pain with another idol. God is what we truly need and He can satisfy all the longings and desires of out hearts in Him.

I experienced deliverance when the Lord released me from this stronghold. I felt freedom a year and a half after I began praying and asking God for help. There was a freedom that followed like no other. I was so grateful, joyful, and thankful. Keep persevering for freedom, even if it takes years. You won’t regret the journey and will look back fondly as you see how in the darkest times, God came through and He never left your side. It is always darkest before the dawn. Cling to Him; it will be the hardest and most rewarding decision of your life.


~ by confessionsofadeadauthor on August 14, 2011.

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