I Don’t Like You: Part 2 (The Living Idol)

This is where it gets all sorts of interesting, so get comfortable. One seemingly normal day, God dropped the spotlight it. “It” being the idol in my heart. It was if this grotesque creature was lurking around my heart and suddenly, in my mind’s eye, I saw for the first time. I gasped as I finally saw it for what it really was: a living idol. Horrified, I realized that he had been there for years. Honestly, when I had imagined idols before, I thought of the little wooden tiki men you see in Hawaiian tourist shops. But this was not what I saw now, and it all began to unfold before me.

In this idol, I had wrapped up my hopes and dreams of what I believed the perfect man was. It was who I hoped the man I would marry would be. As I moved through life, this stronghold would attach to certain faces around me and fill in the blanks for what I thought I wanted that person to be. I always wondered how I could “fall in love” so quickly with guys I had just met but I never realized that the idol was feeding me all of the things I thought I wanted to hear and see, but it wasn’t reality; I didn’t even know these guys.

To top it off, the only way I thought that I got over one guy was when another guy would take his place. I should have seen it but I never did. I wasn’t going from guy to guy to guy, instead, I was falling for the same imaginary “perfect” man that I had created for myself and plastered the new guy’s face on. I created my own world and was living there, a trapped prisoner to my own imagination.

Lost in this fantasy world left me feeling disillusioned, rejected, having false highs, unrealistic hopes, disarmed in battle, and in a trance. This world in my mind colored the way I saw life, the way I directed myself and where I was going, and what I followed after. It was a tough pill to swallow, but it was reality.

I was being lied to, but now the idol was exposed and could no longer hide. I was angry and ready for a fight, but so was he.

[continued in Part 3]

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~ by confessionsofadeadauthor on August 14, 2011.

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